Keep Holding On

I'm so blah today and I don't know why. It is literally GORGEOUS outside and I'm too lazy to do anything. There really isn't anything I need to do that requires being outside, it'd just be me forcing to go outside and I am highly opposed to force. So I have the window wide open and the front door open to get the Autumn air delight while I perch upon out oak green couch and blog with my delicious Persian chai next to me.

It's rained yesterday which was unusual and frankly unwelcomed because when it rains out comes the mosquitoes and let me tell you people, they had a feast on me in the middle of the night.

Things are slightly weird for me right now. My mortality is becoming more and more of a prominent aspect, which I believe comes with age as well as trauma (a joke and yet not a joke). When you're younger, it appeared to me that my group of friends and I were relatively happy. I don't really remember deep and dark depression from my fellow mates, however during the university years depression become more known. I knew people who'd hurt themselves or had to be put on medicine. I've even known some who O.D.'d. However, I never really knew anyone who straight up deliberately ended their life. However, in the past year I've known of 3 people who ended their lives and 1 attempted to. This is just so insane to me. Insane because I wish they didn't. It's so sad. It makes me grateful. I shouldn't even say grateful because these kids all had good homes, but there was just something dark in their hearts and I, in a way, ache for them. Ache because they deserved to feel the joy of living.

I'm not writing this blog to be all preachy, because I have no right to do that. I am merely writing what I am thinking at the moment and because a death was just this past Monday, so it's relatively fresh on the brain.

On a lighter note, I am super keen that Halloween is this weekend. So after much procrastination I decided to start thinking about my costume. I am surprised how little I thought about Halloween this year. By now I would've already carved like five pumpkins, decorated the place, been blaring Halloween music and have had my costume worn in my room several times so that it was perfected for the night of. Not this year. I guess it comes with age? Or the fact that I've been lackadaisical lately. Whatever the reason, I am starting late. I went through many options in my head. My sister suggested trolls or the Hemoglobin trotters but that fell through. They later ended up being flappers. I thought about that too, but well, frankly I decided against that. Plus, I know this sounds lame, but I don't want to do any costumes that I can see myself dressing up with John because we've got a lot of Halloweens to share in our future and I don't want to run out of ideas so early :P So then I thought sailor girl. I found the perfect costume and at the moment I wasn't even paying attention to cost. I figured $50 maximum...but then with S&H since I procrastinated so long it would've been over that cost...and then the next day I got a letter from my student loans and well...that sort of squashed my ideas. So then I went to my fall back plan which is to go as a jockey. I have the perfect hat and pants and shoes for it. I even have my white polo shirt and well the jacket I can wing it. So there you have it folks. My costume this year is to be a jockey. Yes, not very sexy in the "I'll show as much skin as possible" way, but it's conservatively sexy and well who cares. I've got my man, I don't need to look good for others!

Until next time kids.